When i was 5 i was told that we have certain numbers in mathematics to count things and these numbers start from 1. When i was 10 i was told 0 preceded 10 . I came to terms with it pretty easily. When i was 12 i realized that all i learnt was crap and there are actually infinite numbers before 0 also. In fact 1 with a - sign is greater than 2 with a - sign! I really wanted to get my tuition fee refunded from my KG teacher.
Years went by and allot of definitions changed.
Now i am 20, bit matured , bit more careful , bit more conscious of what i do how i behave, little less carefree and allot less happy than i was when i was 5.
I was surfing from one profile to another on facebook when i realized that i have one friend less than i last saw. After scanning my friend list i realized it was my friend who has a habit of deactivating and activating her account again and again. I logged out from my account put the internet to buffer on some vid my brother wanted to see and sat beside my rooms window with a pillow on my lap. I was blue, I couldn't find a single reason as to why i was unhappy. I had everything i wanted, right from my mother's recovery from a serious back injury to my latest pair of charles n keith stilettos. I felt suffocated. Like many other definitions the definition of being real has changed, being double faced has changed to being matured.
When we were young we had a group of friends and a group of "enemies" . When u did not like someone the whole class knew about it and if u ever wanted to befriend your so called enemy all u had to say was "abba".
Those were the days when all your relations were straight from your heart without any personal agendas and motives . Plain real emotions . If we loved someone we used to love them unconditionally and if we hated them we could not stand anything about them , not even their pencil box on our side of the bench. I loved it. I was very happy back then with my two best friends and 1 devil enemy (who's now my best friend!). I knew what or who gave me happiness and who did not. I knew on whom i could trust and on whom i could not. Now i have 245 friends on FB but i love 40 at most. Rest are mere X-classmates X-hostel mates Gym friends and some college mates. There are for sure atleast 20 people i hate. I still am friends with them , hangout with them , call them with their silly nick names. The fact irritates me. After i spend one day with them i come home angry and upset. Why do i need to be double faced and talk to people i cant stand ? Then my insanely perfect friends tell me - that's what an adult life is all about. It is about being congenial, diplomatic and nice. Gone are the innocent days of childhood when you could wear your heart on your sleeves. Now when you call a bitch a sweety or a hon you aren't double faced rather your mature enough to understand that there is no point in spoiling relations with anyone. Just be nice and stay away , so that when you cross roads with that someone you can be cordial and seek help, if ever needed.
This makes me wonder. Why will someone who doesn't like me, be there for me in my bad times or will share my happiness?
This is one of the concepts of life that i have failed to understand in past 20 years. Maybe i'll need another 20 to come to terms with it like i did with natural numbers , whole numbers and ever confusing real numbers.....
